Beyond the physical and psychological difficulties encountered by the child, DYS disorders (dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, etc.) also affect parents. They soon have to mourn the loss of the perfect child, fantasized by most of them: follow the unchanging process of transformation, know how to put words to their suffering, to better accept and support the DYS child and help him or her to blossom.
An invisible disability that also affects parents
Described as invisible handicaps, DYS disorders refer to specific cognitive disorders: dyslexia, dyspraxia, dysphasia, dyscalculia, dysorthographia, as well as attention deficit disorders, with or without hyperactivity(ADHD).
Systematically involving atypical brain function, they can have lasting effects on memory, motor skills, language, attention, executive functions (organization, planning, etc.) and visuospatial functions (positions, movements and relationships of objects, etc.). These learning difficulties create obstacles in their personal, academic and professional paths.
While professionals(speech therapists, psychologists, occupational therapists, graphotherapists…) naturally focus on the child to help him find strategies to compensate for these difficulties, parent coaching can support parents, whose role is essential to the child’s development and education…
The inevitable mourning curve, moving towards acceptance
During pregnancy, few parents escape the psychological phenomenon of wanting the perfect child. Faced with the symptoms of DYS disorders, they inevitably follow the mourning curve, but must reach the end of this immutable process of transformation, in order to accept the situation and move forward.
The mourning curve follows distinct stages that you must take the time to go through:
- Denial: you can see the differences, but you refuse to see them, bathing in incomprehension and total denial. Emotionally involved with the child, the people around them don’t help to dispel any doubts… ;
- Anger : the guilt of parents who feel responsible for these difficulties, mixed with unconscious but real anger towards their child. You still refuse to accept the situation and feel powerless;
- Fear : parents worry about their child’s future. Is he or she hopelessly compromised? Will they be able to help him succeed at school in spite of everything?
- Sadness : your child’s difference is integrated, but you don’t take it well. You feel alone, misunderstood, with a powerful sense of injustice, even as you try to make sense of it all;
- Acceptance : resigned, you accept the situation. Your child is different, even if you’re not in the action yet;
- Reorganization : once you’ve accepted your child’s new image, you get in touch with professionals to help him build his future;
- Integration : adapted to his DYS disorder, you choose to grow together with him, feeling proud of this child, so imperfectly perfect!
If each stage of the grief curve has to be lived through in order to move on to the next, the sooner you accept the situation, the sooner you can help your child move forward please don’t hesitate to ask help from a parenting coachto support you in this unchanging process of transformation!
